Oh dear.
Why are you so nice?

I know this sounds stupid

but

your reply was absolutely uplifting.

It still seemed so surreal that you came to speak to me

outta the blue.

Am I dreaming?

I miss the old times.
I miss all the connection that I've had with people.
I miss the times when I can just chill out happily
with no other thoughts on my mind.
I miss those carefree times.
I miss my freedom
which ironically, was lost at home.
Most importantly,
him being so nice,
just made me miss you even more.
After so many people,
you're still the Best I ever had.
Sadly,
it was prolly never the same on your side.

why can't you stop being nice to me :(
it's driving me crazy.
in fact,
the guilt is killing me.

I'm dying inside.
All these gotta stop.
It's killing me.
Am I really that sucky?
I don't think I'm any bit inferior to you.

It was a normal date.
The guy was nothing but awesome.
Nothing was wrong.
The only thing that isn't right was me.

Smart,
sweet,
sensitive,
caring,
eloquent,
truthful,
sincere.

But I can't help feeling sad.
We're like two people in two different worlds.
He's good, happy and nice.
You feel the pure innate goodness flowing from his within.
He is reliable.

Me,
albeit the cheery demeanor,
deep down lurks
a dark, warped up complex.
Simply screwed up.

We're too different.
I can't help feeling like I owe him something.
I can't bear to make him sad.
I don't want him to end up like me.

You're just too good for me.
I don't know why.
Too good for me
the ugly, screwed up black swan.

A wave of sadness rushed over me.
It's never right, isn't it?
Why does it always turn out this way?
Don't want anymore of it.
Screw it.


Monday's Vday.
I've got a date.
But why aren't I any bit excited about it?
The wrong one,
yet again.

I feel bad
as though I'm leading someone on.
Kinda confused though.

Sick of all of it.

I'm so tired, so exhausted
but I can't stop.
It's feels as though you've completed only a quarter of your own marathon,
the fatigue starts setting in,
you got tired but you can't stop,
you can't give up
'cause you can't give up on yourself - never.
And then you start wondering,
am I that lousy?
The mind is willing but the body is ailing.

Isn't it ironic,
how your physiology works against your psychology
when you're supposed to be a whole person,
not an assembly of conflicting bits.

Even the most tenacious minds find it hard to conquer the limits of physiological fatigue.
Sometimes I wish I have more physical energy.

truckloads of uncivilized pigs,
shipped from the ancestral land,
i remember a time my forefathers sailed from the once glorious motherland;
similar journey, different times.
only three generations' worth of time differential
yet it's hard to believe how to different we are now
- it's as though we were of a different race.

nothing but happiness and bliss :)
Don't pop my bubble please.

What does Chinese New Year mean to you?
One of those rare moments to make you love your family more -
and it's not the monetary gains made off them mind you.

I think I'm beginning to like you.
I'm not sure... do you?

Karma's gonna find me someday for what I did to you.
But your sudden obsession just freaked me out.
Stop calling me tingting and I'm not your sister.

Busy, busy, busy.
Busy doing work on second day of Chinese New Year.
Oh and let's not miss out
the frenzy my entire accounting group experienced on the eve of CNY,
trying to figure out how to do up the accounting notes.
And I had to countdown in the bathroom.
What a cool way to countdown.

Thanks jojo for forwarding me the accounting notes format.
But your email title of hello panda earned
me the permanent nickname of miss panda
which eventually evolved to become miss hot bamboo
in my accounting group.
Still you rock.

Remember to smile in the face of adversities -
it's the best way to piss the devil off.