I know I ain't supposed to feel this way,
ain't supposed to feel guilty,
ain't supposed to feel anything more,
ain't supposed to be thinking anymore.
But
this nagging feeling just ain't going away.

Neither here nor there.
You made me feel bad.
Now I don't know how to go on from here.

Totally hate this undefined feeling
which seems to have an indefinitely prolonged lifespan.

Today I learned about undifferentiated phrasing
and how it can make you a great, engaging speaker.
For a long while,
I've been misled to think that strong personalities
are essential ingredients for success in making moving speeches.
I was wrong all along.
Good speakers,
like Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton,
are rather reactive than dominating.
Emotion-invoking speeches occur when
dynamic interactions between the speaker and the audience are made.
Instead of leading, you have to follow the flow
and improvise,
thus, requiring a taste of spontaneity
in the art of making great speeches.
Apparently,
gesticulations constitute
55% of the speech -
the so-called "7%-38%-55% rule" -
gotta work on my phrasing I guess

x wan ting

It crept up on me when I least expected.
Thought I had been so over it
but now it feels just like I've been going in circles all this while.
I told a close friend,
in a state of silly, drunken unconsciousness,
that, at that moment,
I was missing you real bad
because
you were the only one I could trust.
This was something that was not known to my conscious ego
and had lurked within the parameters of my unconscious Id.
Sigmund Freud would have agreed to my assumption
and called this repression, a defense mechanism to cope with stress.
But behavioral psychologists would say otherwise,
labeling it classical conditioning
and attribute it to a conditioned learned response
triggered by formerly unconditioned stimulus
which had been transformed to a conditioned one over time.
Given the two proposed theories,
I'd pick the latter.
I have to pick the latter.
I've got no choice.
I do not wanna get stuck in the past
and in limbo.
Even if it means committing intellectual dishonesty.
I've got no choice.
My hands are tied.