When we first entered the room,
the first thing that hit me was how the gigantic, looming bed seemed to be framing
his frail, tiny torso. This invoked some sort of unexplained,
illogical fear and anxiety in me that slowly, as he fade away,
day by day,
some day he might disappear into thin air,
both physically and spiritually.

...

As mom left the room to take care of some stuff,
he closed his tired eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
I looked on,
and wondered,
how is it possible that someone can look so much in pain
even as they sleep.

(Even when he was awake,
he wore a permanent downtrodden, chronically fatigued pained expression.
It was a depressing sight to an outsider.
But mom seemed used to it and spoke to him in the usual casual, upbeat tone.
Occasionally, he would break into peals of constipated laughter
and his old, tired eyes twinkled-
those were the rare few moments
when life seemed to reverse its course of exodus out of him)

Suddenly, his largely defunct sixth sense seemed
to have mysteriously registered my presence while consciousness eluded him,
and his eyes flickered open.
With a cheeky smile plastered across his small, sunken face,
he mumbled a bunch of hokkien to me.
As he spoke, his eyes lit up, invigorated and excited.
I leaned forward, in a futile bid to make out his gibberish.
Granddad, you wait! I'll go get mom.
Mom came in, all anxious and worried.
He mumbled a few more times into her ears.
Oh! He was just asking when are you entering uni!
To her dad: She doesn't know hokkien!
He chuckled with minimal movements and maximum effort.
Once again, his eyes twinkled.
I'm glad to have made him happy
albeit a small way.


Life in that calm, tranquil yet prosaic and plain room
is mundane, lacking and utterly meaningless.
Lying on a bed,
fighting a loosing battle against Parkinson's
and waiting for death isn't exactly the happiest thing in the world.
Antidepressants can only work that much;
it stops you from thinking through inhibiting serotonin reuptakes
but it can never substitute the role of a human touch.

...

Today's one of the most special and fulfilling xmas I've ever had.
His laughter, though rare and truncated,
is enough for a day's happiness for me.
I'm so glad I didn't miss out on such precious moments.

Merry Xmas,
my loved ones :)

Treading along the lines of much ambiguity between friendship and beyond.
This whole thing seems like a riddle tougher than
those unresolved metaphysical conundrums of the universe.
I just hope this happiness bubble would never burst.
And stay forever that way.

"... and last committeeman was the reigning Governor of the state,
Waller, a smooth-tongued liar and moral coward."

"As for myself I was inwardly boiling all the time:
I was scalping Ward, flaying him alive, breaking him on the wheel pounding him to jelly,
and cursing him with all the profanity known to
the one language that I am acquainted with,
and helping it out in times of difficult and distress with odds and ends of profanity
drawn from the two other languages
of which I have a limited knowledge."

"He told what I have before orelated about the robberies perpetrated upon him
and upon all the Grant connection by this man Ward,
whom he had so thoroughly trusted,
but he never uttered a phrase concerning Ward
which an outraged adult might not have uttered concerning an offending child.
He spoke as a man speaks who has been deeply wronged
and humiliated and betrayed;
but he never used a venomous expression or one of a vengeful nature."

"'He was not as bad as the other' - meaning Ward.
It was his only comment.
Even his writing looked gentle."

"This was just like General Grant. It was absolutely impossible
for him to entertain for a moment any proposition
which might prosper him at the risk of any other man."

-In the words of late Samuel L. Clemens;
pen name Mark Twain.

It was a period of long, wary darkness;
a badly overdue case of accumulated, emotional assaults.

waiting, keep on waiting.
the longer the wait,
the more likely the hopes will be dashed.
but you can't do anything,
so you keep on waiting,
waiting for this uncertainty to end.

It was there for a fleeting moment.
And then it was gone.
The sparkle was gone.

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child"
- Former President George W. Bush

So much for the Oedipus complex.

Zimbardo attributed it to mix-ups in brain mechanisms used to produce language though;
no relation to unconscious intentions.

Still this is worthy of a good laugh
to cheer ourselves up
while in the midst
of carrying on our boring, mundane lives.

Whenever I feel dejected or my self esteem got hurt
by a bad round of interview,
I'd take out the little Hay Group leather name card holder
I got from my prof for coming in second in my cohort for my case study analysis
and it sort of brightens me up a little.
It makes me feel that there's at least someone out there
who truly believes in my ability to do well.
Thank you Prof Quazi,
I know I wrote you a card,
but I could never thank you enough for the precious esteem boost you gave me. :)

Oh God. Don't remind me of the past, please.

"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"

-British Statesman, Edmund Burke

"When you think of the long and gloomy history of man,
you will find more hideous crimes have been committed int the name of obedience
than have been committed in the name of rebellion"

-British author C.PO Snow

It took me a friend to realise how happy and contented with my life I am right now.
A while ago I was still worried that I'd be left alone
when all my friends get attached.
But, now, I couldn't have been more indifferent to anything related to romance.

Thanks sexy bitch!
You're the best!
I'm so glad we're still in touch after so long.
You made me a shiny happy person today,
and one day,
you'd be too.
I know it's hard for you,
since you've taken a different route from the rest of the people.
But I'm confident that one day
your dream will come true.
I'm on your side.

Meanwhile,
may your virginia slims uno white take you away to utopia for awhile.
Enough of finger-pointing
and being judgmental,
we're all humans after all.

I used to fantasize about having a musician boyfriend.
You weren't exactly one,
but you were close.

#1Sometimes I wonder,
during my slow bus rides,
where I'll look out of the window and think about my past,
where tides of memories come flooding back,
what would we have been like if we hadn't started out the wrong way;
I miss playing guitar and singing songs with you.
I miss hanging around someone
who loves and enjoys music as much as I do.
I miss having someone who share my interest in arts
and enjoy intellectual discourse.
I just wished it hadn't began the wrong way
and gone the wrong way.

#2You appeared in my dream lately.
Mark Sloan reminded me very much of you.
In terms of the way you treated me,
the way you acted,
and sometimes I could see ourselves
in Lexie and Sloan.
I know I don't feel the same way about you the way they did for each other.
But nevertheless, I still missed the care you gave me when I was down last time;
the phone calls that go late into wee hours of the morning
when I was so afraid of the smothering darkness in my hostel;
the company you offered to me when I was really hitting rock bottom
and needed someone by my side.
You told me what I needed was a man in my life,
not those pretty boys.
I guessed you were right.
Take care dude!

I've got a great idea to create some social change for my VWO.
I just hope it's not going to get shot down, again.
Sometimes it's really hard to believe in something that seems pretty impossible.
But that's what change is about isn't it?
Pushing for sth unconventional
when everyone looks you in the eye with a
are you kidding me incredulous look.

Yesterday's volunteering with OH! Open House showed me that as closed-up
as Singapore is, unconventional events are still possible.
Who woulda imagined that Alan would be able to import an European arts event of placing art pieces in peoples' houses and bringing tour groups along a trail of these houses into the Marine Parade town of Singapore?
Well, truth is they've successfully done it earlier this year
and they're gonna do it again this year.
Amazing isn't it.
Getting people to abandon their privacy
and open up their homes to
let artists transform their homes into art pieces isn't easy,
let alone asking them to let strangers tour their houses.
Amazing, amazing, amazing.
I'm glad to be part of it.
Now, when it comes to my turn to start sth different,
I hope I'll be able to do what they did,
albeit, on a smaller scale of course. :)
Be bold girl.

Green collared jobs, green economy.
Possible?
Let's hope President Sarkozy
puts his inclination for the dramatic to good use.


I just read about cataclysmic pole-shift theory yesterday.
The Mayans predicted 21 Dec 2012 to be the Armageddon 5,200 years ago.
Einstein thought Charles Hapgood's earth-crust displacement seemed probable.
You see the pole might end up at New York
and Santa's home might end up at the equator.
That's what they're proposing.
I'm crossing my fingers.

Information these days is a commodity;
understanding is scarce.
-Richard Stengel, Managing editor of TIME