What I've learnt so far,
is that
the people who've loved and cared about you,
they somehow always wind up coming back,
for you.

I don't know... You are either born simple or... me

How apt.

FT#1 Blardy postman stood outside my window
and shouted persistently for ages
before he's greeted by an eerie sight -
a half-awake, scruffy me with an incredibly huge frown plastered across on my face
that would give the Hulk a run for his money for being the most nightmarish movie character.
I had dirt on my eye and my hair was in a huge mess.
Also, my migraines did no good in alleviating my bad mood.
He took off the instant I signed his postage.
Good day to you, Mr LazyPig Postman.

FT#2 They likened her beauty to a Goddess.
They say her sparkling eyes could kill.
They got mesmerised by her pretty face.
But
that's as far as it goes.
Those who get trapped by her overwhelming superficial ability,
too bad for you, you're headed for tragedy.
Those who tried to look deeper,
they often find a void behind that attractive demeanor.
What a disappointment, they lament.
She's a Goddess, in a superficial sense.
What a pity that no mysterious heavenly character lies beneath that skin deep beauty.
This is a tragedy.
And I'm done working for you.
You make alien cow sense.
But thanks for being nice in front of me
and complaining about me behind my back.
You obviously lack the grace of a Goddess
which makes you pretty much
just a brainless porcelain vase,
lacking in taste and elegance.
I'm done talking here.

It's amazing how many fuck tarts we find in reality in our lives when resources are so scarce and we find worthy people starving to death while these fucktarts walk around freely and happily after making peoples' lives around them difficult. They should be rounded up and shipped off to Planet Z where they rightfully belong.

There's only one thing that I badly wanna do right now:
Sit down at a regular bar,
with an old friend,
doing nothing other than
enjoying my weekly fix of erdinger dark.


(And, most importantly, nobody gets drunk so I needa take care of nobody.)


Oh,
and some live band at the background would be good too!

Best I ever had
You gave me memories I'd never forget
You gave me the time of my life
You taught me what romance was
You brought me to a higher level of experience.
You'd be the best I ever had.

You were in some way my first.
You offered me thrills and many a times, an unyielding listening ear.
You weren't my love
But you're always there.
You've made me happy in a brotherly, platonic way.
You'd be the best god brother I ever had.

You came into my life with a bang.
I never believed in instant chemistry till I saw you.
It was as thought I knew you
since a long time ago.
I grew fond of you almost within an instant.
But you prolly hid your Mr Hyde from me.
And now I'm not so sure of anything anymore.

You, you and you.

I've had enough.
I'm growing tired of r/s
I've developed commitment phobia.
I'm truly, madly, deeply happy being alone.
Singlehood is a bliss.
I'm friggin' lovin' it.

I went to take a peek at my lil ham when I got home after clubbing
cause I treasure her a lot
and I feel very happy with her around -
she never fails to cheer me up whenever I'm down.

Tonight, he was there.
I saw her clinging onto him like a life buoy.
I didn't even feel any form of jealousy.
It was just plainly pathetic, utterly pathetic.
I kinda pity her.
What sorta woman would compromise her dignity for a guy
who doesn't appreciate it?
She's signaling to him that I don't deserve any respect from you;
I can't live without you;\
which easily translates into
you are worth more than my self-esteem.
She'd never earn his love, care or attention that way.
Who'd wanna respect someone who actively throws away her own self-respect
without any further second thoughts?
Sighs
This severe lack of self-worth is just brutally depressing
and as a woman myself,
I find it terribly upsetting
and an extreme disgrace to my own sex.
Women are supposed to embody
femininity, graciousness and utmost elegance
- the fairer of the sex.
Despite the revolution of concept of ancient feminism,
it now is further expanded to include certain form of
traditional masculine characteristics such as
assertiveness and boldness.
But this does not mean we dump all of our former womanly values
which for centuries won the admiration of many men
in our backyard
and turn our back on them forever.
It just means that women are now stronger
in soul instead of physical strength
than traditionally thought to.
Emotional strength
is indeed a true test of strength.
And apparently she
although seemingly strong and bitchy on the outside
is in reality weak and helpless on the inside.
Strong women aren't fierce, menopausal women
going around to pick fights,
they embody the traits of integrity, dignity, tolerance and love of humanity.
Sighs
I didn't quite understand that last time.
But over time,
as my experience weathers my false misconceptions away,
my previously infantile outlook
got molded into a fine balanced reflection of reality.

Seeing him come out of the club with another really good friend
to accompany me
without me asking him along
was a pleasant and welcoming sight.
Sadly, that's the end.
I did have had some trailing thoughts of
where is he, I wanna be near him,
I get excited when he's near me,
I want him to spot me,
at the back of my mind.
But somehow I managed to keep these whispering voices at a minimal volume.
They were quite many times
that I thought I caught him looking over,
but I managed to clamp these down,
by convincing myself that in reality it's the opposite.
I didn't have any slightest form of depression lingering in my brain.
I feel free, happy and truly happy to be alone.
For the first time in my life,
consciously and subconsciously.
I am not actively seeking out a partner,
or sensing a void in my heart because I am alone.
I am truly leading a fulfilling, carefree and independent life.
And I am freaking loving it.


P.S. I guess the back thoughts were just done subconsciously out of habit.:)

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em

Listening to this still gives me goosebumps.
Adam Lambert - What do you want from me
I remember the silence you returned
when I told you that was the song that I've been listening to at the moment.
It was haunting.
And it still does.
I can't listen to the song without a chill down my spine.
School just began.
I am afraid of a reenactment of last sem's nightmare.
I am afraid. I am scared.
Deep down.
Beneath all the excitement, there's a tiny trace of fear.

It's really appalling and scary how cold-hearted I can be.
I could easily get upset over the daily news on mornings;
innocent people dying for unjustifiable causes -
Sakineh's atrocious, baseless conviction of adultery
accompanied by punishment of death by stoning;
animal cruelty rampant in our society -
battery caged chickens awaiting death upon their exhausted usefulness;
discovery of yet another Abu Ghraib where absurd violence
and inhumane abusing of its inmates ran unchecked for years.
But when a dear friend disappears from my life,
I couldn't have been more indifferent.
This is disturbing.
Where's my conveniently displaced sense of empathy?
It's as though i have this animal inside me
and I don't seem to be so sure of who I am anymore.
Could this be a real life illustration of
Dr Hyde and Mr Jekyll?

Having a moral compass isn't quite the same as acting on your moral judgments.
Admitting your faults don't quite translate into redemption
till something is done to rectify them.

Still, I couldn't help being indifferent
and don't mind staying that way.
This not bothering me is what that's been bothering me.
Cause I don't wanna be an unfeeling monster.
This just doesn't quite seem to be me.