It's a wonder how you can miss so many people at once sometimes.
It's a wonder how many different flashbacks you can have in a day.
It's a wonder how your brain ambushes you with pleasant surprises every once in awhile.
It's a wonder how your brain controls you instead of vice versa.
Just as Plato's theory of ideas where Man is a dual creature made up of body and soul,

existing in two parallel planes, humph, interesting.

School just opened.
And I feel like a newbie.
Not really knowing what to do,
confused and everything is all over everywhere.
A little scare, a little nervous, a little unsure, a little lonely
in this big harrowing building.
I've developed a little phobia
of having a second repeat of last sem's nightmare.
This is one of the few moments
when I let go of an agnostic's skepticism
and say a little prayer before I sleep to calm myself down.
However,
usually at this point,
my bit of practical inclination starts to seep into my sea of idealistic calmness
and I began to think
maybe a planner, for starters,
would be a better answer
to this whole conundrum of unsettling blues.

D, W, M, J, W, I

D set off a free radical chain reaction.
W was an affectionate mess.
M has been an expired figment of imagination.
J was aesthetically pleasing, but that's about it.
W no. 2 was the most memorable, till this day I could still remember.
I was the unfortunate social experiment.

A jumble of letters which pretty much sums up my first year in uni.

Pretty exciting year.

I've seen a lot.

Grown wiser a bit.

Now it's time to mug :)

Strictly no distractions.

I swear.

Today I took a trip to the SAM and National Museum of Singapore.
Was feeling really vexed over stuff that have happened
and needed a quiet trip to a reclusive area where I can silence the
nonsensical jumble of thoughts that has been disturbing my inner peace.

My first stop was at SAM.
Free entry for students.
(This is one of the few rare moments when I shout hallelujah and treasure the perks of being a student)

First up, was Mr Yeh Chi Wei and Ten Men Groups' collection :)

This was one of my favorite pieces. It depicts part of a temple in India;
inspiration drawn from one of their organised trips there.
It looks surreal, close-up, like a photograph.
Very visually appealing and portrays a sense of false 3-dimensionality.

Yeh and the Ten Men Groups' art pieces were mostly composed of realistic imitations
of the natural phenomenon although they did explore into Impressionism
and appeal largely to the sights.
Their primary aims seemed to be to invoke some sort of sensory ecstasy
on our visionary rather than to tickle our brain cells and make us think.

And then there was Seeing the Kites Again by Chinese artist Wu Guanzhong.
Some of his art pieces are really pleasing to the eyes
and somehow his impressionistic piece on the Huangtu Gaoyuan managed to
evoke such overwhelming emotions in me that
I felt I like I was for once really in China witnessing the whole stretch of plains from
a bird's eye view.
He likened that the Loess Plateau to dozens of tigers pouncing towards you,
you could feel the hunger, the ferocity and the energy.
Love it.

Last stop was the National Museum.
The only exhibition that I liked that happened to be the highlight of my trip.
I loved Cai Guo-Qiang's bit of exhibition.
There were 3 parts:
1. Head on - 99 life-sized replicas of wolves rushing blindly towards an invisible wall
It takes a jab at how conventional wisdom might be blind
and herd mentality might hinder with mankind's progress.
It also signifies the invisible wall that remains after unification of East and West Germany.

2. Illusion II - 2-channel video installations of implosions of two identical huts.
It smirks at how violence and beauty, though two very opposing concepts,
may come to manifest in the same body - irony of our world.

The final installation is Vortex which I haven't really got enlightened on
what concepts it is attempting to show yet.

I realised that I love art pieces which evokes thinking in our cerebral cortex
rather than visually-pleasing ones.
Perhaps I just like to find meaning out of nothing.
Maybe that's why Impressionism appeals more to me than Realism
I don't know.
Still pretty inexperience and know too little in this area.

:)
I did enjoy that silence I had today though :)
Pretty much.
Revitalised.

turned off. totally.
now I feel nauseous.

Friends thought that it was a crush,
a superficial infatuation over a certain much coveted someone,
an unhealthy obsession based on physical appearance,
a perverse fantasy around self-simulated fairytale romance.
But
no, it was something more substantial yet impalpable,
it was a special connection that sparked at the instant we met,
a bizarre chemistry that struck with the frequency of lightning.
This amazing instantaneous click was what I missed
and found it hard to forget.

People are like puzzles.
You have to find the right pieces to click.
Once found, everything fits.
I'm forsaking all these cause I've had enough.
And I'm not hoping for anything else anymore.
After all,
lightning doesn't strike twice,
does it?

I came across your email while clearing my mailbox up.
The cursor moved over the delete button.
Paused.
I just couldn't bear to wipe away those bits and pieces that
remind me of those fond memories.

During a regular conversation over the coffee table,
I briefly mentioned of wanting to call you up to a short meet-up,
wondering how you've been doing,
but I don't know how to
without giving you the wrong idea.

People may think I haven't gotten over you.
But yes I did.
I can't be more sure.
I just hope that I would still be in touch with someone
whom I shared such incredible connection with
once upon a time.
A meet-up once in a while to catch up over coffee would be nice.
Nah, we don't have to be in each others' daily lives.
Maybe this sort of idea is too esoteric
or simply eludes any logical justification for some.

i hope you spot yourself on my blog dear :)

you know who you are. winks.

It's like checked in a rehab,
babe you're my disease,
I gotta check in a rehab,
you're my disease.


Baby, baby, when we first met,
I never felt something so strong,
You were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped into one.
with a ribbon on it.

A fresh bout of memories hit me like a merciless tidal wave.
A revisit to an old place of rendezvous by the moonlight was the cause.
But surprisingly, I am relishing those wonderful moments we shared.
And not a single wave of sadness intruded my ecstatic reminiscences.
It's a bizarre virgin state of emotions.
Subconsciously, I missed those childish chatters by the twilight,
I missed pointing and counting stars as we lay our backs on the grassy patches,
I missed those by-the-candlelight-acoustic-sing-along-sessions,
I missed how you meticulously prepared for our first date right down to the final detail,
I missed the fun times we had together,
I missed how you forced yourself to eat my leftover mussels no matter how mussel-phobic you were,
I missed the romance we both enjoyed,
I missed the passion we had,
and I coulda even missed you,
I'm not too sure.
Yet I do not feel a single tinge of blues trailing these nonsensical strings of thoughts.
Instead, I am at peace with them.
I don't know why.
But I was really happy today
and I still am.
Thanks for the memories.
You gave me the time of my life.
And looking back, you made me really happy once. :)
I hope you are doing fine dude.
:)

I'm praying for your dad.
I hope he would be fine.
I hope that miracle meds would manifest and cure him.
I'm not sure if praying helps.
But that is the least I can do.
And I can feel your pain, maybe not as intense.
I am saddened by this.
Take care, my friend.

Looking back,
I am really surprised how far I've moved
from my original point of obsession.
My life is filled with fun joy and laughter.
I've picked up new hobbies, new courses.
Something good somehow came out of something hopeless.
I guess that's what they called blessing in disguise.
A 1 for 1.
Pretty worth it I'd say.
My life is so fulfilling every day.
Joy from memories of yesterdays,
satisfaction from living worthy todays
and anticipation for the adventures of tomorrows
made up for that
Void in my Heart
that I've been so desperately trying to fit a person in.
For decades, I've been living a life of emptiness,
a life at the mercy of others, of circumstances.
Today I live for myself.
Today is my birthday.
Today I'm born.
This is it.






I've decided.
The confession shall lend closure to my last phase of life.
Enough said, enough done, enough paranoia.

I don't know why, but I missed you a lot today.

You appeared in my dreams.
I wondered if I ever did in yours.

I wasn't supposed to think of you at all.
But you crept into my dreams last night.

A friend once told me:
When you see half moons on your right fingernail,
you're in love with someone.
When you see them on the other side,
someone's in love with you.

So,
when you find them on both sides,
there's reciprocated love.

I once got so low,
that I took to believe these silly little untruths.

Looking back, it's ridiculous
but these silly little untruths
got me the greater truths

We're all willing to believe lies
in exchange for the slightest tinge of hope,
even to the brink of self-deception.
Yes that's how desperate I was.

Yes that's how desperate everyone is.