headlights

//Tuesday, June 14, 2011 9:18 PM

I feel bad.
Really bad.
I don't want this to happen again.

//Saturday, May 7, 2011 10:21 PM

Dear dear
can you be my Thor
and bring me to your Asgard?
I got a little tired waiting over here.

//Friday, April 22, 2011 9:54 AM

Time to say good bye.
Albeit an unwilling one.

//Thursday, April 21, 2011 12:26 PM

Could you stop being bothered with the trivialities and bloody hell do some actual work that would value-add to our project?

Can someone tell me what is the difference between: "Perception is material in our case.." and "Perception is of utmost importance to us..."? Can't believe you really thought I meant material in the literal sense, could f*ing use your own brains and little common sense which I assume that you as a normal human being have to deduce that I'm not saying Perception is a Material (plastic, metal et.c) but Material in the sense of an anonym of Immaterial. Dumbass.

Compare:
"It is not interesting to comprehend the fact that we engage in social comparison but, instead, to understand the effects of undergoing such ubiquitous comparions."

with

"More important than the recognition the act of social comparison is the understanding of the effects of the undergoing of such ubiquitous comparisons."

Can someone tell me what's the difference between the two other than the writing style?

Does it even make a difference?

I had to spend ages editing your part which you copied straight from the notes that teacher gave us and merely rephrase it. Do you know what value-adding is?

Faggot.

//Tuesday, April 19, 2011 9:31 AM

Love and longing,
Love and infatuation,
Loved and lost,
Love and lust,
Love and joy,
Love and ever-lasting happiness.

What's love?

Drowning, Savior, Indulgence in happily-ever-afters,
Drowsiness, Tender love and care,
What's-theres and What's-nots.
What is this all about?

// 9:14 AM

The late David Foster Wallace...

The Pale King:
(setting in soul-flattening, raging with boredom chamber of the IRS"

"Howard Cardwell turns a page. Ken Wax turns a page. "Grovy" Bruce Channing attaches a form to a file. Ann Williams turns a page. Anand Singh turns two pages at once by mistake and turns one back which makes a slightly different sound. David Cusk turns a page. Sandra Pounder turns a page. Robert Atkins turns two separate pages of two separate files at the same time."

"He sits there longer and longer until the audience gets more and more bored and restless, and finally they start leaving. first just a few and then the whole audience, whispering to each otherhow boring and terrible the play is. Then, once the audience have all left, the real action of the play can start."

TIME magazine
Lev Grossman comments:

"Th Pale King is an attempt to stare directly into the blind spot and face what's there. It's an account of accounting."

"... It tells us that all art is a travesty of life, because real life happens in private, alone, before an empty house, without the gaze of an audience to ennoble or redeem it..."

"... The plays' the thing, but the waiting is the play. And the waiting is the hardest part."

Love it, absolutely.

// 9:03 AM

...
I was drowning
and you saved me,
why did you have to?
Now I can't reverse it,
and go back to where I strived so hard to be.
...

//Monday, April 18, 2011 9:24 PM

If to embrace sanity
is to retain status quo,
accept the conventional
and adhere to common customs and social norms,
then you could say that
I'm a staunch lover of the insane.

//Sunday, April 17, 2011 11:33 PM

Was this a shadow I've been trying to disown for the entire that has past year?
The hidden side of me
which no one seemed to approve of?

// 11:27 PM

In my dreams,
you saved me from drowning
in the great flood that materialise outta nowhere.
After that came along
those happily ever after scenarios
that we're all too familiar with
but can't withstand the harshness of reality
and never truly materialise.
I don't know what to make of this dream.
But I do know I can't seem to withdraw from this surreal sense of joy
of having found something I've been looking for all these while
for a long time.
But it's just sad that
time and experience have thought me
airy fairy tales
always belong to another world
and I gotta come back down to earth.

// 11:22 PM

Missing those times when I get to hang out late
and really get connected to people.
Missing those times when I could just let my hair down
and not think about the dozen of stuff
I've gotta do the next day.
Getting sick and tired of working none stop,
sometimes I wonder what am I really working so hard for...
Maybe that's what growing up means.
If that's that,
I sill can't tear myself away from mindless indulgence of the youth.
I think I'm not ready yet.
I just hadn't had enough if the good time yet.

//Friday, April 8, 2011 12:50 PM

Blown away, once again.
Don't you just feel that life is a series of helpless merry-go-rounds?
Helpless human condition.
Are we puppets under the command of life the puppeteer?
Hey there,
did you catch a glimpse of life mocking at us?
I surrender,
no more rebellions against its cycles.
It's time to indulge.
Goodbye needless excessive questioning.
Sometimes
things just happen without reasons.

//Monday, April 4, 2011 10:37 PM

It ain't always so cloudy in the school...

you came up to me to talk to me today
when you saw that I was waiting alone outside for the midterms.
:)

thanks for clearing the clouds.

// 10:26 PM

Can't stand

the way you use your peripheral view to glimpse over at my notes
when you didn't catch what the Prof just said
because you can't shut your BIG FAT mouth.
And why can't you just ASK for my notes directly
instead of acting all creepy and sneaky trying to PEEP at them.
You think I can't see you?
I just pretend that I hadn't,
and just as you're screening your piggish eyes
at my last letter,
(purposely written in an illegible way so you can't decipher)
I tilt my paper abruptly away from you.
And enjoy that brief moment of glory,
when I see you jump albeit that slightly
outta your skin
as though you hadn't seen it coming.
Ha.

Sighs. Can't trust people in school these days.
When they approach you,
with 99% level of confidence,
you can say it's cause they want something good outta you.
And they make it so obvious
that you feel ever so slightly intellectually insulted
but still have to maintain your posture,
exercise some social courtesy and
put on a gracious front
pretending that you don't know.
In your mind, you've stabbed them a thousand times on the back.

It's getting harder to trust people nowadays.

//Sunday, April 3, 2011 3:05 PM

Not your typical kinda joy...

I never knew I would get this kinda happiness from tutoring someone.
It felt really, really great
when you knew that you could go beyond just managing yourself,
making sure you achieve what you want,
to helping someone achieve what they want.
This is amazing.
To achieve that,
you've gotta see through the person's eyes,
see what situation they're in now,
see what's hindering them from achieving their dreams,
see what's their strengths and weaknesses,
see how they leverage on them to turn dreams into realities.
Sounds like a colossal task.
I never knew I could do that.
At times, I wanted to give up when I'm overloaded with stuff.
The only thing that got me going was the promise I gave to her -
that I'd commit myself to helping her get through this horrendous A levels.
Each time I see tutoring as a burden,
I only return from each lesson feeling refreshed and accomplished.
I never knew such a small thing could amount to something great.
People ought to think I'm crazy.
But then again,
fuck you,
who cares about what you think long as I'm happy.